Vulnerability and picture perfect

The only way you’re going to get this is if you acknowledge that; God can make this happen, you have to open up to the right people and vulnerability counts loads. You can’t do it on your own; it’s not all pretty clouds and stars with God. You best believe that you’re going to get angry and cry your heart out with God. Why is this happening, I don’t understand why this is happening, give me strength please, am I dying ? This is/basically my conversations with God after I got sick for the 3rd time in this year over a 8 month period. So basically for 8 months of this year I’ve been sick, everything was and is curable.

A sick that I come to hate but it’s necessary because I needed to know it’s okay to need people but the right people, it’s okay to feel helpless but you not, frankly i needed to feel it’s okay not to be perfect. So God created an environment where I couldn’t be perfect, I couldn’t control my life because I had no say. I only needed to trust Him. Here’s a bit of my story, antibiotics = poison to me because the type of antibiotics that I was on/I’m on made/makes me experience everything from dizziness to nightmares. It’s the kind that makes Spiritual Warfare harder than it usually is, and it’s usually hard. I wasn’t in charge anymore, not that I ever was but I really wasn’t in charge. I would hear Him say you have to eat or you have to drink water and you can’t give up cause I need you.

I’m not going to lie to you, even when the audible voice of God telling you these things it didn’t make it any easier. We fought for 8 months sickness and it’s nothing major. It’s the kind of sickness that nobody can see in the natural (the one that lasted 6 months) so by now I’m tired and it is in this tired that after such a long time of me being stubborn on the ‘little’ things , God has shown me. You need people (the right people), you can’t work 24/7, you can’t work many jobs at once cause you crave variety and creativity. You can’t go at it alone, I’ll send you the right people (for general life) and no bully is going to get you. He can fabricate variety and creativity from nothing.

If you want to know about my story, I’ll share more in the weeks/days to come. Stay safe you guys , xoxo

P.s I wrote this on my phone, I’m sorry for any spelling/grammatical errors that you may find.

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