Her voice is like daggers digging into my soul. Her laugh is as fake as a poorly edited advertisement. It’s not that I am intimidated by her; it’s just that she annoys me into the depths of my soul. The way she pretends to care about others other than herself, I think it’s the way that she implements her false identity that annoys me, with grace and empathy. For some it works, for some she manages to pull the wool over their eyes. I see her for who she is, only worried about herself and how the main authority sees her. I see it her eyes, the eyes are the windows to the soul her careful thought out devious plans that she thinks that no one will see. I see them all, I ask myself who am I to judge. But I asked Him for discernment, protection and guidance I asked Him to cover me with the blood of Jesus Christ and the love of God and fellowship of the Holy Spirit.
He greets me by name “ Hello Tiff” he asks me how I am doing, he listens to my response but his not really listening as he charges into the reasons why his not feeling well and the reasons why his holiday was the best time of his life. I sense his telling me these things not because he wants me to know how his doing but because he likes the affection, concern and attention. I peg him for an extrovert. He pegged me for a dreamer, at the time I couldn’t see myself as a dreamer but today 3 years later I stand corrected I am a dreamer. We get into the same elevator; there are 3 other people in the elevator I imagine the silence is excruciating for him as he decides to crack a joke to lighten the mood. I cannot remember what the joke was about but I remember why he did, what he did at the time I thought he just wanted the attention perhaps this is the reason but perhaps the quiet was to nauseating for him. Sometimes he gives me work not because he wants to help me develop my skills but because he hates being stuck in the detail to the world he may argue that I was given the work to improve and he would win because he can be so convincing with his bold and loud manner of making noise.
She walks as if she is gliding across the floor, she considers herself privilege to have been given the opportunities she was given. She is the authority; she is the skipper of the team of sailors. She tells me “You don’t have to take notes Tiffany, there is not going to be a test on my life” the group laughs because obviously we sitting in group as most institutions take on the “groupthink” approach where group thinking is rewarded rather than the latter individual thinking. They laugh because they don’t understand that I am jotting down questions to ask before I am distracted by the noisy extrovert’s. I don’t respond because my questions become irrelevant. It becomes irrelevant because all her experiences interrupted my bubble of admiration for her. Just like that her fake identity reveals itself to me.